


Stay

by WhyMrSpook



Category: X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Charles in a Wheelchair, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Erik Has Feelings, Erik is Crushing Harder than a 12-year Old Girl, Erik is not a Happy Bunny, Fix-It, M/M, Nightmares, No Beach Divorce, Poor Charles, Post X-Men: First Class, Raven is a good sister, everyone is sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-09
Updated: 2017-03-12
Packaged: 2018-10-01 16:46:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 14,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10194239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhyMrSpook/pseuds/WhyMrSpook
Summary: “I don’t know what to do.”He heard Erik only through Hank’s mind, so quiet and fearful. He was being honest and, in doing so, placing his trust in Hank. It was such a magnificent leap in Erik’s character that Charles almost forgot to be angry with him – almost.“Just stay.”





	1. Cuba

Charles had always been able to compartmentalise pain. Ever since he’d learned to control his powers, he’d been able to compartmentalise everything. Before then, his mind had been a war zone- a battle between his own thoughts and feelings and memories, and those of everyone else. With time and a great deal of necessity, he had been able to learn control. He learned to pick and choose the thoughts he wanted to listen to- the feelings he wanted to focus on, or tuck away for later consideration. _His painful childhood memories. Raven. His mother. School work. Thesis. Research. Headache._ It was a powerful tool, and one that made him feel very distanced from the rest of humanity, but he could never give it up. He'd lived with it for so long, it was like another limb.

As of that very moment, he couldn’t seem to compartmentalise any pain at all. All his barriers were down- not just within his mind, but against others too. The attack was relentless and nothing, not even the pain, could ground him. But he could still feel it- the agony, searing hot in his back and travelling at paces he couldn’t comprehend.

_Oh god. I’ve killed him. I killed him._

Moira’s voice in his head was distant, shocked, but her emotions spoke far louder. She was scared- terrified.

_This can’t be happening. This isn’t happening!_

Hank.

_Charles. Charles help is coming. Please be okay. Just hang on you git- help is coming._

Raven. His dear, darling sister. Blue and wonderful, and so very strong. He was so proud of her. He battled the memories of their encounters, fighting to remain in the present. She was trying to send him a message- not allowing herself to get lost in her own fear, as the others were. She was so clever- she wanted him to focus on her, but he couldn’t. There was one voice above them all, suddenly exposed to him as the helmet came off and unveiled that one mind his own sought to strong. Erik was louder than everything – louder than his own sister and the others, Hank and all the distant minds of the ships in the water. Erik, cradling him gently. Erik who was so overwhelmed by rage most of the time but, occasionally, would be so very kind. He had the capacity to be such a good man.

_Charles. Gott, Charles look at me. Please look at me. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry._

He forced his eyes open, the light painful, searing his pupils cruelly- though nothing could compare to the bullet wound in his spine. Focusing on Erik was a challenge. He looked so sad, and the eye contact only seemed to strength their mental link- the others faded away and he was overwhelmed by Erik. Everything about him- his every thought and feeling. He couldn't bear it. He snapped his eyes shut.

“Charles?” His voice like gravel, deep and scratchy with fear.

“Sorry.” He murmured. He thought he murmured, anyway. Reality was slipping away from him- he needed something to ground him. “Can’t control myself. Can’t be in your head.” If nothing else, he would focus on that. He had promised never to be in Erik’s head- he had promised.

“Charles, you can stay in my head. I don’t care right now. Just look at me, please.” _Please look at me._

“I can’t…” He needed something to tie him to reality. Compartmentalise. Force everything else behind closed doors until he had time to analyse it.  The pain. He could focus on the pain. Erik was too much right now, Erik deserved time and dedication.

“We're brothers, you and I. All of us together, protecting each other. We want the same thing.”

“I’m sorry, my friend, but we do not. I want so much more from you and for you. You would have me become a murderer.”

A pause. Long and unbearable. Erik’s eyes flashed with something he didn’t recognise. “No.” His voice was so much stronger than he’d have imagined. His arms were so much steadier than they should have been, holding him up still. “I would never make you a murderer. You’re wholly good, Charles.”

“You and I both see the worst in people, Erik.” He could only manage a whisper now, the pain too overwhelming. “What matters is looking for the good. It does exist.” If this was his last statement, his last act, he hoped it had an impact. He wanted to have made some sort of difference in Erik's life. His friend. He had to convince him that there was good, or else he'd failed.

“What matters is getting you to safety, Charles. You’ll be safe soon. They’ll fix you up in no time and we’ll be back to arguing over mutant supremacy by the weekend.”

“I don’t think it’s going to be quite that simple, my friend.” He tried to focus on the pain- something other than Erik’s eyes. “I can’t feel my legs.” He admitted, somewhat dazed. “And if you leave, Erik, if you take Raven,”

“No, Charles.”

“Keep her safe, that’s all I ask. Maybe come home for the holidays. That would be nice, wouldn’t it?” He was starting to sound delirious and he knew it, but there was a clarity in his mind that was almost all-consuming. He’d never felt anything with such certainty before. "I'll miss you."

* * *

 “You’re a fucking bastard, _Magneto_!”

He could hear Hank’s thoughts appearing within a fraction of a second of him speaking them; roaring them, rather, at Erik. Even from the floor above, he could hear the words clearly. He didn’t need to be in Hank’s head to know the utmost contempt with which he spoke. He didn’t need his powers for anyone, frankly, he was a good enough judge of character by now. He knew people, the different types of people and how they reacted. Hank was full of hatred for Erik who was, apparently, leaving without a goodbye. Charles felt the pain of it beneath a thick layer of resignation. He'd been expecting it since he got home from the hospital; released, with some minor persuasion, into Raven and Hank's care.

Erik… What he wouldn’t give for permission to delve into that mind- to even be able to skim the surface. Erik was an enigma. He was a ball of rage and sorrow and pain, fiercely protecting the few good memories he had left. Standing for mutant rights because without that, he had nothing to stand for at all. Without a purpose, Erik had nothing to live for. Or, at least, that was what Erik thought before the beach. Now, Charles didn’t have a clue what he thought. But he certainly hadn’t expected the reply the man gave to Hank.

“I don’t know what to do.”

He heard it only through Hank’s mind, so quiet and fearful. He was being honest and, in doing so, placing his trust in Hank. It was such a magnificent leap in Erik’s character that Charles almost forgot to be angry with him – almost.

“Stay.” Raven’s voice joined the two by the front door. He wasn’t sure where she’d been, but she was back now and her voice was like birdsong in spring. Charles saw his sister through Hank’s eyes; she looked like she’d been out on a motorbike, all messy hair and red cheeks. She was his beautiful, clever sister and, setting aside his concerns for her safety on what he considered an atrocious means of transport, he realised she intended to stay too. Like with Erik, he'd half been expecting her to leave at any point now that he was stable.

“Just stay, Erik.” She repeated softly. “Azazel and Emma have both gone already, and Angel wants to stay. We need time to refocus, and I’m not leaving my brother right now. Charles may be an idealistic, hopeless optimist, but he does want the same thing as we do. As I do.” Charles ignored the inflection on her last statement, because it implied Erik wanted something else. He couldn't think about what Erik wanted; he'd taken that into consideration far too much already.

“He doesn’t understand.” Erik spoke up, presumably through gritted teeth. “Mutant kind needs direction- help. We’re dying every day at the hands of humans.”

“Charles has never had to hide anything that we know about." Through Hanks eyes, Charles saw Raven's eyes flicker with guilt. Thankfully, she didn't interrupt. He didn't think he could take another pitiful look at this point. "He’s only ever used his power to get ahead in life. That doesn't mean he can't or won't understand, with time.” Hank reasoned gently- his mind all doubt and hopefulness.

“Charles would never agree to me building an army.”

“No, perhaps not, but that doesn't meant he's willing to let another mutant die needlessly. Just give him time, Erik. You did just cost him the use of his legs, after all.” Raven finished with a snort and, though he also saw the dark humour in it, he could sense both Hank and Erik tense.

“Oh Jesus Christ, grow up the both of you. Erik, don’t you _dare_ blame it on Moira. And Hank, Erik was only protecting himself. It was an accident. Don’t get me wrong, this sucks. It's going to be really fucking difficult for him- but you don't need to tread around him so carefully. He's a grown man.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this months ago but I haven't posted anything Cherik since Christmas so I thought I'd upload it now. 
> 
> Feedback is appreciated, as always.


	2. Power

At some point after Raven's brilliant defence of him, Charles lost concentration. He was too overwhelmed by his own thoughts and feelings to concentrate on those of the other inhabitants of the house. They assaulted him relentlessly until a combination of drugs and exhaustion carried him to a deep sleep, disturbed by strange nightmares and random flickers into the minds of his friends. When he woke, it was as though he hadn’t slept at all. Raven sat at his bedside, as ever, already dressed and reading a newspaper quietly. To say she told the others to treat him like the adult he was, she was so wrapped up in her own guilt that she'd taken to mothering him incessantly.

“Charles.” She said brightly, seeing him struggling to sit up and immediately reaching to help him. “How are you feeling?”

“Stiff.” He replied honestly. He felt a great deal more than that, but it was the overwhelming factor at that moment. Besides, he didn’t want to worry Raven any more than he already had done. “I think we should do some exercises today, if you have time. And do you think Erik would levitate me around the grounds for a bit? I’d like some fresh air.”

“That sounds like a plan.” She beamed. Her face was only a fraction of what her mind told him. Oh, she was happy. She was thrilled he was ready to face the day and ecstatic he wasn’t going to let himself waste away in his room to depression as he’d seemed to at the hospital. But she was still concerned- there was so much more to think about and discuss. Only she kept her face cheery and didn’t say a word, helping him into his chair and to the bathroom. He didn't say a word either- couldn't admit he'd been in her mind. 

When he’d showered and prepared for the day, he exited his bathroom to find his room had been cleaned and the windows opened so that light and fresh air flooded the room. His clothes had been laid out on the bed in a way that his favourite nanny had once done for him when he was a child- only Raven could have done that for him.

It took a while to dress- he was still getting used to each motion, and he was awfully tired, but eventually he made his way to the kitchen to find it alive with activity. Activity that had slipped past him entirely. A bunch of familiar minds in one place, but he couldn’t hear them. He couldn’t even hear Raven, and she’d been perfectly understandable to him before his shower. He bit the inside of his left cheek and forced a smile, taking his place at the head of the table and greeting the others. This kept happening. Ever since Cuba, since his injury. His powers came and went like the flick of a switch. It was getting less frequent with time, but it was still terrifying every time he tried to reach out with his mind and found only darkness. 

His arrival in the Kitchen found Raven cooking with Moira, both women laughing easily at Alex, who leaned against the worktop, teasing mercilessly. Sean was resting his head on the table, clearly still half asleep- not everything had changed since Cuba, then, and Angel didn't look much better off- sat, drinking deeply from her coffee. Erik sat to his left, reading the paper with a frown plastered to his brow. Erik’s thoughts were normally the loudest of them all. He hadn’t even considered he should have heard them, unaware that he’d taken his hideous helmet off again, but now he saw the dark copper hair of his friend and the silence persisted. It was both daunting and irritating– more so than the prospect of never walking again. He’d live that day in Cuba a hundred times if it meant Erik trusted him inside his mind.

“You’ve gone pale Charles. Are you alright?” Raven asked suddenly, drawing him from his silent pining. He looked up to realise most of the room was watching him, save for Sean who continued to sleep on the table. Everyone else was doing an extraordinarily poor job of pretending to not listen to the siblings.

“Yes.” He replied without delay, smiling still. “Just need to eat I expect. And fresh air- I might go out for a minute now, is there time?”

“Yes, of course.” Moira told him, and though he suspected from both the food and her expression that she was lying, he took her word on it. He wanted to believe her and that was good enough for him. He wheeled himself back from the table, nodding his head courteously at the woman who blamed herself for his… condition, she had called it.

“May I?” Erik asked, gesturing to the door to accompany him.

“Of course.” Charles maintained his smile until the kitchen door shut behind Erik, at which point he sighed heavily. “Would you?” He asked, gesturing to his chair.

Erik did as he was asked without comment- though he didn’t technically push him physically, he merely flicked his wrist so that the metal in the wheelchair responded to his command and moved forwards towards the front door. The air was fresh and the sky blue and he tried to look content, aware that Raven was probably watching him from the kitchen window. He just wished he knew for certain- the silence was killing him.

“Well, Charles?”

He looked at his friend, seeing the concern etched into his features. He supposed he must truly look out of sorts - Losing the use of limbs could do that to a person, he supposed, not to mention the absence of his powers. But he was sure that Erik didn’t mean that. He was asking about the future.

“You’re right about mutant kind, Erik. We are being hunted, I see that now. But there is hope yet- I can’t condone needless murder but I do want to help. I don’t think I’m too much use anymore,” He gestured to his legs, “But I can use Cerebro and track down mutants. I want to bring them here and establish a school. We can teach them- help them control their powers. And, if war does break out, they’ll have enough training and knowledge to choose their own paths.”

“Charles,” Erik began, sighing.

“Attitudes are changing, Erik. I know they are. There is still time- we can influence legislation and use science to prove our humanity. There doesn’t need to be immediate war.”

“Charles!” Erik repeated, kneeling in front of the chair and looking up at him with guarded eyes. Even now he didn’t trust Charles with his feelings. “Perfectly reasonable though that sounds, I meant why did you need air? Mystique is right, you do look pale.”

“Oh. I’m fine, it doesn’t matter.”

“If I thought for one moment that you didn’t matter, Charles, I’d have left you on that beach.” Erik reprimanded lightly. Charles almost felt like one of the children being told off, only Erik would never be nearly so gentle with the children. Not children. Being soldiers stopped them from being children. Hell, being mutants had stopped them being children. That was exactly the issue Charles wanted to combat.

“Since… my injury, my power has been somewhat temperamental. Flickering in and out. Sometimes it's there. A few times I've accidentally latched onto people- mostly Raven- and not been able to let go until I passed out. When I woke up this morning it was fine, but now I can’t feel anyone.”

“Nothing?” Guilt flashed over Erik’s normally controlled features, and Charles felt bad immediately. Like Moira, Erik blamed himself for the wound. Charles had technically blamed him at the time too, but he’d been in pain and terrified of losing Erik entirely. But now, he couldn’t find the energy to be mad at anyone for it. It had just happened and he needed to move on. He had bigger problems than Erik’s guilt- especially if that guilt was the only thing keeping him around. Selfish though that was, Charles couldn't bring himself to lose Erik just yet.

“Nothing.” He confirmed. “Just silence. It’s… difficult. I feel empty.”

“I didn’t realise how often you used your power.” Erik ground out. It astounded Charles how bitter Erik became at the mere notion that Charles read his thoughts all the time. It took a great deal of effort not to snap at him and, for once, Charles considered himself the better man for not doing so.

“It’s not like that." He explained, making an obvious effort not to glare at him. "Unless you were projecting at me, I wouldn’t be able to hear your thoughts. But if I walk into a room I can sense how many minds are there and their emotions. It’s not a conscious effort, but it’s always there. Normally. It's... disorienting to be without it." He smiled darkly. "I'd say it's almost like losing a limb."

“I see.” Erik’s quick glance at him suggested he felt guilty for his previous assumption, though it barely lasted a moment. What a master of emotion Erik had become. “My own power is not dissimilar. I can tell where metal is and its composition, but it takes a little more concentration to control it.”

He knew this already, of course, but he appreciated the attempt to maintain conversation. Before Cuba, the German had been getting better at talking in the house- he’d actively engaged in conversation with both Raven and Alex, instead of just him. Since Cuba, Erik had reverted to solitude and forcing himself only into conversation with Charles.

“It will return, won’t it? This is only temporary.” Erik said suddenly.

“I should hope so.” Without his powers, he didn’t know how he could survive. It was worse than not being able to walk- he felt completely helpless. And without them, his plans to track down mutants and bring them to safety were void. “We should go back inside. I’m sure breakfast is going cold.”

“Charles, if they aren’t back by tomorrow I expect you to tell Hank. He may be able to help.”

“Of course, friend.” He tried not to sound bitter and failed spectacularly. It wasn’t his fault. He had no power to compartmentalise his pain and so it was all brimming at the surface.

Nothing more was said. Erik physically pushed his chair back to the kitchen, probably so as not to see his face, and when they arrived at the kitchen the tension was tangible. He wasn’t sure if they’d connived some way to eavesdrop on their conversation or if they’d just had an awkward one of their own. Either way, he didn’t feel remotely hungry anymore. Regardless, he began to eat with a feigned vigour to appease Raven and Moira. Just seeing his sister’s pleased expression as she tucked into her own breakfast was enough to distract him from the pain, if only for a little while.


	3. Helplessness

Charles was sweaty and exhausted by the time he called for Raven to stop exercising. He felt somewhat encouraged by the progress they’d made, but that did little to make up for how awful he felt on the whole. No power, no legs and no real purpose - as of yet. He’d not felt this useless since he was a child. His powers had enabled him to do almost anything, once he’d learned to control them. Without them, or working legs, he was just in the way. It seemed they were all just waiting for him to do the one thing they needed from him. To send Moira away. It had been an unspoken suggestion, lingering in all their minds since Cuba. It was for her own safety, they all tried to convince themselves. Only Erik truly believed it. Charles did too, but that didn’t mean he was looking forward to it.

“You did good today.” Raven praised him, handing him a towel. “Even I wasn’t expecting that.”

“Have I ever told you how much I live for your faith in me.” He replied dryly, wiping his head dry. “Still, I wasn’t expecting it either to be honest. I think I must have gotten lost in all those endorphins.”

Raven’s laugh was hearty, her eyes glittering. She was glad he was still the same Charles; he could see that in her face alone. He wanted to say something to her- to admit his guilt over the way he’d treated her before Cuba and to swear he’d seen the error of his ways- but the words stuck in his throat. He longed for his power to convey his feelings.

“Right. Well, have you got enough strength left in you to shower? I can bring your dinner to bed if you want?”

“I’m perfectly capable of eating at the dinner table, Raven.” He then considered how awful breakfast had been, all awkward silences and stilted conversations. “Though on second thoughts I am quite tired. Perhaps I should rest for a few hours and eat later.”

“If that’s what you want.”

“Yes.” He paused, taking a deep steadying breath. “What do you want, Raven?”

“Charles?”

“Before I was shot, you were ready to leave with Erik to fight for our cause. I’m glad you did stay, believe me, but I know you don’t want to be here looking after me forever.”

“But the point is we didn’t leave.” Raven replied quickly, masking her expression carefully. “I want to be active, Charles, I want to do good. But I can do that and still make it home once in a while. And Erik mentioned your conversation this morning. Using Cerebro and bringing them to safety. It may not be a solution, but it’s something.”

“Really?”

“Yes, stupid.” She laughed. “I think it’s a great idea. What did Erik say?”

“He said…” He strained to think. Without his power, his ability to recall basic information had abandoned him completely. “He said it was perfectly reasonable.”

“Perfectly reasonable?” Raven laughed loudly, throwing her head back in mirth. “Okay, that man has issues. What was he feeling at the time?”

“Raven, you know I don’t go into Erik’s mind either.” He said firmly, trying desperately to regulate his breathing. Erik hadn’t told her that his powers were gone then- he’d kept it between them. For that he was glad; he didn’t want Raven to know he’d lost his powers- it would crush her.

“Fine. Come on, up to bed then.”

* * *

Sleep dragged him away the moment his head hit the pillow, but it was not the deep, restful slumber he needed. Nightmares flashed through his mind, each one waking him to a sense of panic and breathlessness before sleep dragged him away again. The room was always either too hot or too cold and at one point he thought he’d been crying.

_“We want the same thing, you and I.”_

_“I’m sorry, my friend, but we do not. I want so much more from you, and for you. You would have me become a murderer.”_

He woke again, heart pounding in his chest. It was early still and the sun was only just rising. It took a series of blinks to realise his room was full of people and he wasn’t still dreaming.

“Charles?”

He recognised the voice, but he couldn’t pinpoint it. There were suddenly a dozen voices in his head, all loud and scared. Moira and Sean’s shrill mental calls for him to focus on them. Alex and Raven at his side, dragging him up from his pillows and forcing him to sit. Others- Erik’s eyes watching him closely. The voices wouldn’t stop- his head felt like it was going to burst with it all if he couldn’t shut them out.

_Erik please- alone- out, out, out!_

The second he got the message to the only person he could focus on, he buried his head into his hands and tried to ground himself- to focus on something other than the voices. He flexed his fingers one by one, counting with each muscle. He tried to hum as he did it, something utterly tuneless but recognisable to him at least. It felt like hours had passed before he felt a hand on his forearm, tugging his arm away from his head.

“Charles, they’re gone. What is it?”

He opened his eyes again to find the room empty, save for Erik. The voices had distanced, he realised, but continued to echo in his head. It was more manageable now, he supposed. He could make out the confusion and irritation at being sent away, with strong pangs of hurt hitting him in waves.

“Voices in my head.” He murmured, resisting the urge to throw up. The sickness was just as it had been when he was a child; waves of nausea he couldn’t withstand for much longer.

“If that came from anyone but you I’d have thought they were crazy.” Erik’s expression was only lightly guarded; he allowed himself to smirk.

“Maybe I am.” He compartmentalised his pain and sickness, behind the echoing voices.

“At least that means your powers are back. You should rest, friend, and gain your strength back.”

“It doesn’t much look like I have a choice.” He sighed heavily. “Why were you all in here?”

“You were projecting.” Erik explained succinctly and panic shot through Charles. Poor control of his power and nightmares didn’t mix; he could have projected any number of images to his house-guests. “Only emotions. Fear, actually.” Erik told him quickly. “Raven knew it was coming from you immediately, she said you’d been the same as a child.” His only just settled heart rate began to climb yet again, and Charles rather thought it was a miracle he was still alive. “She ran to you like she thought you were dying.”

“I should speak to her.” He sighed, scratching his aching head in thought. Raven of course had experienced his fear projection for most of their childhoods until the rest of the family had died. “She’ll be worried sick. I just couldn’t focus on them all- they’re so loud.”

“Not just mentally, I assure you.” Erik supplied tiredly.

“I suppose so. But your mind is calm and collected. It soothes me. And no, before you tell me off, I’m not actually in it. Just being around it helps.” It was a strange thing to admit to the man who had just directed a bullet into his spine, but it was true. The only way Erik could have truly died in his heart was if he’d murdered all the seamen. Regardless of how close he’d come to doing just that, what mattered was he hadn’t. He’d chosen to stay.

“Well I have nowhere else to go and nothing to do till you’re stronger, so I’m at your service.”

“How kind of you.” Charles rolled his eyes. “I heard you spoke to Raven yesterday. Thank you for not telling her about my power.” In retrospect, he realised, he should have explicitly asked Erik not to mention it. The fact that he’d taken his discretion for granted just went to show how deeply he trusted the man; regardless of whether that was a good thing or not.

“There was no point in concerning her further. She already spends every waking minute worrying about you.”

He placed that to the back of his mind for further consideration later, though he strong suspected Raven simply needed time to assure herself he was alright. He supposed he needed that too. Adjusting to his new way of life had been somehow easier than he’d expected; he was probably too exhausted to over think any of it anyway.

“I know this wasn’t where she intended to be right now- nor yourself.”

“Perhaps.” Erik relented softly, sitting at the foot of the bed and leaning back against the post, watching him through cautious eyes. “But you didn’t intend to be paralysed from the waist down because I was careless with stray bullets.”

“In fairness, you were being shot at the time.” Charles managed a smile, hoping he could prevent whatever spiral of guilt Erik was about to find himself in if allowed to dwell on the subject further. “There is no blame to be had, my friend. The past is the past.”

“And the present is the present. We are here because we want to be, Charles. When you are stronger, we will begin to track students down. In the meantime, Hank is already drawing up plans to renovate this place into a school.”

Charles was silent; his throat suddenly felt very constricted. He cast his vision away from Erik, focusing on the moonlight filtering through his window and willing away his tears. It was ridiculous to feel so emotional and if he thought that, Erik must have thought he was completely insane- Erik loathed displays of emotion more than anyone, after all.

“Charles?”

“Thank you, Erik.” He managed to whisper, maintaining a shred of composure. “That means a great deal to me.”

“It’s a good plan, Charles, and you’re a natural leader. It’s about time we started listening to you.”

“I hadn’t realised you weren’t before.” He smiled brightly, starting to feel his defences rebuilding. “Really, I’ll be glad to see this place being utilised. Do you think the children – the current ones I mean – will help? They could help them train.”

“Perhaps.” Erik said, mirth lighting his eyes. “And what are the current children doing at this moment?”

Charles was quiet for a moment, closing his eyes and attempting to lock on to one of the minds downstairs. Sean- any worry about Charles had been forgotten in the midst of an argument with Angel and Alex.

“They’re arguing over who gets the last of the chocolate cereal.” He said, opening his eyes again and laughing in spite of himself. He was rewarded with Erik’s own hearty laugh, the mattress shaking slightly beneath them.

“I should go downstairs. They need one responsible adult at least.”

“Hank’s down there.”

“Like I said.” Erik said dryly, standing.

“Could you possibly send Raven up for a quick word?”

“Of course, Charles.”

* * *

Erik gestured for Raven to leave the kitchen with all the subtlety he could muster. It didn’t matter too much considering the other children were all too scared of him to question him- at least not while he was in the room. With a glare of warning to not eavesdrop, he closed the kitchen door on the others.

“What’s up?” Raven asked, drying blue hands on her apron.

“Charles wants to speak to you.” He said tersely. It was difficult to not feel offended when every part of him wished that Charles had asked him to stay, but he recognised how utterly childish his feelings were so tried to act natural. It was completely normal that Charles would want his sister and he should have expected it.

“How is he?”

“He seemed stronger when I left.” He said carefully. “He was unusually emotional.” He wasn’t sure if that was an accurate assessment of Charles. Charles had always been emotional; he just normally favoured the positive over the negatives.

“Erik, did you make my brother cry?” Raven asked, hands on hips and fixing him with a stern gaze that wasn’t entirely serious- and yet he didn’t trust it was entirely joking either. Part of him wished he hadn’t taught Raven how to fight.

“Barely. He was a little… overwhelmed, I suppose, when I told him about Hank’s plans to renovate the house for a school.”

He saw the same expression flash across Raven’s features that sometimes clouded Charles’ features, which was ridiculous because the siblings weren’t remotely related.

“Has he told you anything about his childhood, Erik? What it was like for us here.” It wasn’t very often that Erik saw Raven as an adult. Most of the time she was rightfully young and energetic- rarely did her worry and exhaustion cast the shadow of age across her features, as it did now.

“No.”

“Figures.” She sighed theatrically. “I hoped he would have done- he’s so close to you… I know it looks like he grew up in luxury but it really wasn’t that simple. That’s all I’m saying. If he seemed overwhelmed by the prospect of changing the house, I assure you it wasn’t out of sadness. We’ll both be glad to see it revamped.”

His jaw set in irritation at not being told any more. Unfortunately, Raven seemed to have grown immune to his fear tactics. She smiled tiredly at him and sauntered off down the corridor to find her brother. He had planned to re-enter the kitchen to supervise breakfast, but he couldn’t face it now. Her words had given him too much to think about. He’d not had a home since he was a child, before the camp. He’d not even had possessions since then, so he never grew attached to anything. Whatever memories Charles and Raven had within the walls of their house, he couldn’t imagine they were particularly pleasant.


	4. Necessity

“Are you sure you’re ready to do this, Charles. We can postpone for another day.” Erik spoke with a concern that truly touched Charles. He looked up at his friend from his chair and sighed, shaking his head. He felt purely grim; he hadn’t slept out of guilt and even now he felt distinctly sick at the notion of what he was about to do.

“I can’t, Erik.” He admitted quietly. “If I don’t do this now, I think I’ll go mad worrying about it. She’s a danger to us and herself while she remembers.” He took a deep breath and raised two fingers to his temple, broadcasting his message to the entire household.

_Moira, I wondered if you’d mind accompanying me on a walk around the grounds?_

Moira would think she was the only recipient; unaware of the cruel reality the rest of the team were facing. As much as Charles trusted Moira and liked her company, she was a human- and a member of the CIA at that. All the knowledge in her head about their location and powers was a threat to everything they were working for, should she ever decide to share that information.

He caught the unrefined, blaring reply of Moira. _Sure, I’ll be right out._

“She’s on her way.” He told Erik, unable to meet his eyes. “Stay close, please.”

“Of course.” He replied instantly, his voice a calm certainty that had more of an impact on Charles than he cared to admit- more of an impact than the rest of the house’s minds confirming this was the right choice. This had to happen, he knew it. As Erik disappeared into the house, his resolve only strengthened.

Moira caught up with him relatively quickly, chatting animatedly about her plans to develop the mutant division in the CIA.

“Moira, would you mind awfully getting on my level for a moment?” He asked, sending her a smile.

She laughed with ease, brown eyes sparkling at him as she crouched before his chair. “I can’t tell you how glad I am you let me stay, Charles. I’ve loved every second of being here.”

He had promised himself he wouldn’t invade her mind more than necessary; curse his skewed morals. “You talk as if you’re leaving?” He asked, frowning.

“Aren’t I?” She laughed still, though it was somehow sadder. “I don’t need to be a telepath to work out what you’re doing, Charles. Don’t worry, I knew I couldn’t stay forever. You want to protect your children; the CIA would use them as weapons. I’ll handle it.”

Oh. She thought he was just going to ask her for protection. His heart and head ached with guilt, an apology screaming in his mind but never surfacing.

“Moira, I…”

She smiled, leaned forwards and suddenly her lips were on his. It wasn’t completely unexpected- he was a telepath, after all, he could read other’s feelings. But somehow he was still momentarily stunned. He was crippled- she shouldn’t want him still. He kissed back in automatic reaction until the shock dissipated, and then an alarming clarity dawned on him. He reached a hand up to her head, winding his fingers into her hair, and then-

_I’m sorry_

-He wiped every trace of the word mutant in her mind. He stripped her memories of any of their faces and any words or plans they’d ever uttered in her presence. He took away the mutant training base at the CIA and the mansion, stealing all the friendship building moments she’d shared with any of them. He divested the emotions she felt towards him and the feeling of the very kiss they shared at that moment.

_Sleep, Moira._

He felt her mind go numb in blank, deep sleep, and her body fell limp against him- her lips breaking from his own as she slumped down to the ground- only his own arms breaking her fall.

_Erik- please._

He got the sense of confirmation that Erik was on his way, most likely with Raven and Alex, and tried to gently ease Moira into a less crumpled state. He smoothed her hair down, apologising to her over and over until the others arrived. Raven picked Moira up and carried her with Erik while Alex went to get the car. Raven, Erik and himself were going to take Moira back to her apartment and keep an eye on her until she woke up.

The process of getting into the car went smoothly and quickly, the others watching sadly from the window. Raven and Erik sat in the front, Erik driving, and Charles sat in the back with Moira’s sleeping form. The drive into the city seemed to go slowly, all silence and traffic. Charles tried to keep his mind to himself- it was hard enough not to project his own guilt onto the others, let alone listen to their guilt too. He built up walls and stared out of the window, trying to ignore the worried glances of Erik and Raven in the mirrors.

When they reached Moira’s apartment, Raven was the one to take her through the building. She was strong enough to carry Moira alone, but downplayed her strength to get the doorman to aid her, claiming they’d been out drinking in a ditzy girlish voice – all fluttering eyelashes and blonde hair. When a hint of doubt emerged in the door man’s mind, Charles squished it and suggested he help the girls up to the apartment. There were no hitches after that and he sighed, content that Raven was looking after Moira as she settled her into her bed.

“She’ll be safer this way too, Charles.” Erik pointed out. Not softly. He was irritated, Charles thought. He sounded short and tired, asking for an argument that Charles didn’t want to have. He didn’t rise to the bait or try to reach out to his friend.

“I know.” He simply said, folding his arms and looking back out of the window again.

Raven returned within an hour, having cleaned the long empty apartment and provided some food for Moira for when she woke. They decided to wait for her to wake naturally, allowing her to sleep off whatever exhaustion remained leftover from her time at the mansion, caring for Charles and recuperating from Cuba. The time passed slowly, and Charles was drifting off before he felt a strong confusion emanating from Moira’s room.

“She’s awake.” He murmured to Erik who was still awake. Of course Erik was awake- he wouldn’t sleep unless he felt completely safe and a car in the middle of New York was not completely safe. Raven, on the other hand, had long since dozed off in the back seats and turned into her natural blue form.

Erik’s eyes flashed in confirmation, leaning against the dashboard to look up the block of apartments. Lights were switched on, and he quickly leaned back again.

Charles concentrated for a moment, narrowing in on Moira’s thoughts. She wasn’t in pain or scared; just confused. She didn’t understand how she’d gotten into her house or where she’d been before- her confusion only tripled when she found the paper Raven had left her and saw the date. She moved into her living room and picked up her phone to ring the CIA, at which point Charles left her mind for the last time.

“We should set off home. She’ll be fine.”

The return journey seemed to fly by, the city lights slowly filtering out as they returned to Westchester, listening only to Raven’s gentle snoring. Erik seemed to have calmed down as they left the city and Charles felt considerably lighter too- not about Moira, of course- but the weight of a city of thoughts and feelings had drained him in a way he’d almost forgotten it could. He couldn’t wait until he was back to full health.

“You should try and sleep.”

“I am quite tired.” He murmured, turning to watch his friend driving. Even after the hours and hours of driving and staying alert, Erik still sat up straight and stared at the road ahead of him. The yellow street lamps cast intermittent light onto his face, and he looked just as exhausted as Charles felt. “She knew I was going to send her away.”

He wasn’t entirely sure why he told Erik. He’d wanted to keep it a secret; he deserved the guilt. But Erik wasn’t one of the teens, or even his sister. He was Erik, and he’d either infuriate Charles endlessly or make it all seem alright with a few quiet, succinct words.

“I see.” Erik’s grip tightened on the wheels.

“She said she knew I wanted to keep the others safe and she’d make it so the CIA didn’t interfere. I… Should we have believed her? I had just taken the last few months of her life away from her. She must be so scared now, I-,”

“Charles, stop this.” Erik interrupted with a calm ease. “You know that this was necessary and you know that Moira would understand. She is safe and alive, that’s all that matters.”

“Yes. I suppose you’re right.” He sighed, starting to recognise some of the surroundings again. It wouldn’t be long before they were pulling up the drive to the mansion, most likely to just fall into bed and try to sleep through the guilt.

“I am right. You’re making the best out of a bad situation and, unfortunately, you were the only person who could take her memories away. That doesn’t mean the blame lies solely on you or that you should carry all the guilt. We all agreed to this, even Moira.”


	5. Rage

The next morning, Charles didn’t want to get up. He’d gotten past the worst of the guilt and compartmentalised the rest to tackle at a later date, but he still didn’t want to get up anyway. He was simply exhausted from a combination of physiotherapy, the day before, working on the school and testing the control of his power before Hank allowed him in Cerebro again- not to mention being back in the mansion. He’d been able to ignore the memories as first but now, without the excitement of training and preventing world war three, he remembered how much he loathed the house.

So he switched off his alarm and allowed himself to go back to sleep. He wasn’t sure how long had passed, drifting in and out of consciousness. Light filtered in through his windows and he could distantly hear Sean and Alex shouting at each other. He wondered idly if he could run himself a bath but did nothing to act on his idea, barely bothering to keep his eyes open.

He couldn’t remember the last time he’d willingly stayed in bed all day. At the hospital after Cuba he’d hated being unable to get up and move about, but it was different then of course. Then, he truly hadn’t had an option. Now, at least, he could drag himself into his chair and get out of his room. Normally, he would. It was instinct. Growing up, staying in his bedroom meant allowing himself to be an easy target. He’d learned quickly it was best to stay on the move and hide in the large mansion; even before his powers had come in and he’d learned to listen for when his step-father and brother were on the prowl.

There was no danger today. Nothing to fear. It took the laziest use of his power to know that Raven and Angel were working out, the boys were fighting over who got to train first and Erik was- Erik was turning his door handle.

“Charles?” He knocked softly. “It’s almost eleven.” He stated, the unspoken question of ‘are you alright’ hanging in the air.

“Is it really?” He responded blandly. “I’m fine, Erik. Just tired.”

“I see. I’ll leave you to rest, then.”

The door was almost fully closed again before Charles replied, causing it to halt. “Can you come in, Erik?”

He was dressed down considerably, for Erik anyway, in a plain white shirt and slacks. He looked tired still, but as alert as ever. Fantasies of Erik sated and sleepy flashed in his mind before he managed to focus, pushing them as far back as he could. He would never see that and he wouldn’t compromise their friendship by pining for things he’d never have.

“What is it? Don’t tell me you’re too overwhelmed with guilt to get up, because we do actually need you functioning.”

Outwardly, Erik was trying to appear teasing. But beneath those sharp green eyes lay true concern- Charles could feel it swimming in his subconscious. He wasn’t as tense as usual, something Charles didn’t want to correlate with Moira’s departure but did anyway, and his usual barriers were down. It was practically an invitation into his mind, but one he wouldn’t abuse. He skirted only the top thoughts- Erik had gotten up hours ago and became instantly concerned when Charles never came down to breakfast. The others- Alex and Hank- had insisted he should be allowed to sleep, but he’d held himself off for as long as he could before he finally came to check on him.

“No, actually.” Charles replied, dragging himself up into a sitting position. Erik cut in to help without question, piling pillows up behind him. “Would you believe I’m just tired?”

“No.” Erik said firmly, sitting on the bed beside his knees. Thoughts projected at him like clockwork- Erik and Charles always being the first to rise, draining cups of coffee and staying awake no matter how tired they were. To Erik it came naturally, to Charles it was a choice to be productive rather than waste away hours sleeping.

“You should.” Charles reprimanded gently. “Yesterday aside, existence is very tiring sometimes Erik. You and I both know that.”

“Perhaps. But you’ve never let it get to you before.”

_Forgive me, my friend, I have just been paralysed._ He didn’t project that particular thought, all too aware how bitter he sounded, but something shifted in Erik’s face anyway- as though he was thinking the same thing.

“You don’t like this house, do you Charles?”

He looked at Erik sharply, his heart pounding suddenly in his chest. There was no ill-intent or mockery in his face or tone, just a simple curiosity. Even the concern remained from earlier.

“No.” He replied slowly, looking away. “God, what did Raven tell you? She probably made it out to be worse than it was- it was nothing compared to what you’ve been through. Why did she even bring it up?”

“She didn’t.” Erik corrected him quickly. “I did- and she didn’t tell me anything. What the hell are you talking about, Charles, what happened here?”

“It really doesn’t matter, Erik.” He forced himself to look at his friend, attempting to project a calmness onto him that would quell his curiosity.

“You know I don’t believe you. Come on, Charles. You preach about talking through problems and moving on from the past, but you don’t follow the same logic yourself.”

“I am moving on from the past; I’m waiting for the builders to rip this place apart from inside out!” He couldn’t help but snap, hands battling at his duvet until he was free of its confines. He couldn’t get past Erik to get out of bed, without rolling over awkwardly, and his chair was too far away anyway. Instead, he slumped further into his pillow and sighed heavily. “Raven and I don’t like this house because of our childhoods.” He finally admitted.

“Your childhoods?”

“Yes.” He looked away again, fighting shame. He was in a conversation about his cushy childhood with a holocaust survivor- he’d never felt so callous. “My mother re-married after my father died. Just after my powers came in and I’d met Raven. My step-father and step-brother were both deeply unpleasant people and I aggravated them by not being in control of my power.”

Erik’s face was unreadable and he didn’t dare enter his mind, even though the effort to keep his barriers up was giving him a migraine.

“It took over a year to get to grips with my power so I could sense them coming- I’m afraid I didn’t have quite the same survival instinct as you my friend.”

“I couldn’t move a coin to save my own mother, Charles. I don’t think mutant powers care for the survival instinct.”

“That’s true.” He sighed again. “I did my best to protect Raven, but when my step-father had me I’d accidentally project my pain and fear onto her. We seriously considered running away for a long time.”

“What happened? They’re dead, aren’t they?”

“There was a fire in the east wing. I think my step-brother started it but I never knew for sure. My step-father blamed me- he didn’t understand my power- he attacked me. I was just sixteen and weedy as anything and scared, I didn’t even know where Raven was. So I protected myself.”

“What did you do…? Charles?”

“I broke his mind.” He admitted, fingers clawing into the sheets beneath him. “I removed everything- I left him as helpless as a new-born and I ran. My mother was still inside with the boy. I didn’t know. The entire wing burned down before the firefighters got there, all three of them dead inside.”

“Charles…” To his complete shock, he felt Erik’s hand reaching to his own. _You are wholly good._ The words Erik had said to him on the beach rang in his mind. Not wholly good. Not so innocent and naïve. He was a monster- a murderer. Worse than Erik, he’d killed his own mother.

“I realise this makes me an obscene hypocrite, but that was the worst thing in my life. I have been in the minds of murderers and rapists and abusers and nothing compares to the damage I did with my own power. Don’t you see? You and I are more dangerous than anything the humans can throw at us, but they deserve mercy. My mother shouldn’t have had to die because I killed the only person who knew she was trapped in a fire- neither should the boy. He was young- he could have changed.”

“Hopeless optimist.” Erik snorted. “So that’s your entire motivation in life? You’re determined to think the best of humans because you know they can be scum, and yet you still think you’re worse.”

“No. I’m determined to think the best of humans because I know what I could do to them if I got carried away, and I know they don’t deserve it.”

“Not all of them, no.” Erik conceded quietly. “What happened after that? You were only sixteen.”

“I kept the authorities off our backs- made them think I was an adult. I repaired the mansion and not long after it was finished I got into Oxford and we left the country.” Charles admitted softly. “I never thought I’d come back here.”

“I’ll start working on stripping the empty wings tomorrow; there’s no point in waiting for builders when Alex and I can do it just as easily.”

“Thank you, my friend. I’ll try and be in Cerebro by the end of the week- there are mutants that need saving out there, and I’m sure you’re itching to get out of this mansion as much as I am.”

“Well, perhaps not that much.” Erik said gently. “Take your time, Charles. None of us will be any better off if you’re slaughtering your brain in that godawful machine every day.” He moved off the bed then, deliberately pushing Charles’ chair closer to the bed. “Now, I’m going to make you a cup of tea and I think you should get out of bed.”

“Tea first.” Charles said, somewhat childishly. “And Erik?” The older man turned to him, all taut muscles and concerned eyes. “Raven doesn’t know… what I did… I’d appreciate it if you kept this to yourself.”

Erik was silent for a long time and, despite himself, Charles let himself listen to his mind.

_Raven doesn’t know? Of course, she doesn’t. What the fuck- Charles, you idiot-_

“Of course.” Erik said simply, before he left. It was the complete opposite to what he’d been thinking and feeling. He clearly didn’t understand why Charles had kept it from Raven, and he certainly didn’t want to keep it a secret from her. But above all of that was a deep hatred for the humans who had hurt Charles and the belief that Charles knew what he was doing. He just wanted Charles to be okay. That knowledge alone was enough to prompt him to stay sat up until Erik returned with his tea.


	6. Impatience

Work began on the mansion almost immediately, courtesy of Erik and Alex’s skills combined. The inside of the old house looked unrecognisable, stripped down to the base walls within. Hank’s planning had accommodated for almost seventy student-bedrooms; some private and some shared, with bathrooms on each wing and recreation rooms for each age group too. Two of the drawing rooms had been knocked together to form an extensive dining room and a staff room had been constructed on the ground floor, amongst offices and classrooms for the actual teaching.

As work got underway, Charles took the decision out of both Hanks and Erik’s hands to rest any longer.

“Hank, I’m afraid I’m crippling my own powers by not pushing my limits.” He told the resident scientist, wheeling himself to Cerebro without waiting for Hank. Hank hurried to catch up with him, mumbling his concerns and expressing how uncertain he was about his new design and all the possible alterations that might need to be made.

“All the more reason for me to test it, Hank. We’ll never perfect it until we’ve tried it.” He reasoned, entering the room without delay. It wasn’t that he didn’t feel all the doubt and concern that Hank had- he quite literally felt it for himself in Hank’s mind- but he compartmentalised. He wouldn’t waste another day lounging around watching the others work while there were mutants to find and help. Some needed immediate refuge- and the safer children needed to know that there was a place for them come September to start training their powers.

“Fine. But let me go and get someone else- Raven or Erik.” Hank finally said bitterly, clearly less than happy with the situation. Charles did, admittedly, feel bad for putting his loyal friend into such a difficult position- but not bad enough to change his mind.

“Hank, we’ll be fine. Come on, start it up.”

He heard a series of insults flit through Hanks’ mind, but he did as he was asked and the lights on the desktop before him began to flash. He pulled the Suddenly the school and the mansion and reality was far away from him.

Being in Cerebro was like nothing else; jumping from mind to mind across such distance. Being connected to so many mutants- hearing their thoughts and revelling in the enormity of what he was doing. The sensation was addictive. It was brilliant- like his mind was being stretched in a million different ways. He got brief flashes of mutants’ ages and locations, knowing that Hank was getting all the co-ordinates he could find. Hank seemed a million miles away now. All there was were the bright lights of millions of minds, all accessible to him.

Darkness hit him fast and hard, the device attaching him to all those beautiful minds was ragged from his head with force.

“WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING?”

“Raven,”

“No, Charles! Don’t you dare ‘Raven’ me.” She was livid, shaking in anger. Behind her, he could see Erik looked equally as pissed- shooting daggers at Hank. “You IDIOT.” She snarled, pushing his wheelchair out of the room. “You had NO right to blackmail Hank into letting you do this. You had NO right to do it without telling anyone and you have absolutely NO RIGHT to do this at all!”

“I understand you’re concerned, Raven, but I’m ready to do this!” He protested, though he quickly realised he’d have been better off keeping his mouth shut.

“You PROMISED that you’d be fully-rested before you attempted Cerebro! You promised you’d take your time and we’d all be there in case something went wrong. And what do you do? Sneak down here alone and do it anyway!”

“Not alone- Hank was here! And I am ready!”

“You wouldn’t say that if you could see how pale you look right now, Charles.” Hank spoke up bitterly, blatantly ignoring Erik’s glare. “You’ve been staying up all night doing paperwork and researching lesson plans- don’t pretend otherwise.”

_They’re worried about you, and stubbornly protesting that you’re alright is only going to piss them off more._

Erik looked thunderous still, but his inner voice was calm and controlled.

_I can’t keep doing nothing while you all work endlessly. We need to start recruiting._

“Hank, it’s the least I can do. Honestly, I had to do this. Surely it’s just proven that I’m well enough to do it.”

_Is that what this is about? You think you’re no use to us because you can’t stand up and work? Because your powers aren’t constructive to DIY work?_

“That isn’t the point, Charles.” Raven replied firmly. “You should have told us how much you wanted to do it. Imagine what would have happened if something did go wrong? What would we have done?”

_You have no idea what it feels like to sit in this stupid chair every single day and have nothing useful to contribute._ He tried not to sound bitter and angry at Erik; he didn’t want to blame Erik. But it had been a long summer of recovery and strength-building and he was fed up.

“I’m sorry, Raven. I was just frustrated about the pace of my recovery. I should have told you what I was planning. I am going to continue to use Cerebro, but I promise I’ll tell you from now on. And Hank, I’m sorry. I should have listened to your concerns.”

“Thank you, Charles.” Hank nodded, abashed. He was far more forgiving than Raven, who simply shrugged. She was clearly still fuming, but she didn’t speak.

_You’re not an invalid, Charles. You are the most powerful and important person in whatever room you’re in- the sooner you realise that the better._

“I’m going to my study.” Charles said aloud suddenly, no longer wanting to cope with this conversation any longer. He couldn’t bear it. “I’ll see you all at lunch.”

* * *

In retrospect, he should have expected that Erik wouldn’t leave him alone. His closest friend had joined him in his study before he’d even dragged out his paperwork, throwing himself into a seat and snapping Charles’ pen in half when he attempted to start writing.

“That was my favourite pen.” He said, aghast.

“Charles, we were not finished in our discussion.”

“Yes, we were.” He replied firmly. “I acted rashly. I apologised. It’s done.”

“It isn’t done!”

“Then I am! I don’t want to hear about how important I am or how powerful I am, Erik! I don’t care! The only thing I’m good for is my mind and I’ll be damned if you stop me using it!” God, he wished he could stand up. He wished he could pace as he yelled- or storm out the study away from Erik and all his stupid words. As it was, all he could do was throw the two halves of his pen across the room so they hit the wall with only a mildly satisfying clang.

“No-one wanted to stop you using your mind, Charles. This entire plan depends on you.” _Would you please calm down?_ “We just wanted to ensure your safety before putting you in that goddamn shitty machine.”

“Fine!” Charles said. “That’s fine! I don’t know why we’re still arguing about this.”

“Because I need you to realise that just because you can’t walk doesn’t mean the only thing you have to offer is your mind. You’re not just a tool to us, Charles. Do you think Raven is worried about your mind to track down other mutants, or your health because you’re her brother and she loves you?”

It took almost a minute to calm himself down. He took a deep breath. Then another. He kept breathing until he could feel his shaking body begin to ease and he shoved a hand through his hair.

“I know I’m being irrational. I’m sorry, my friend. Perhaps Cerebro did take more out of me then I thought.”

“Well you can’t go to bed.” Erik said suddenly, as though it was completely obvious. “If you admit defeat, Raven won’t let you back in Cerebro for another week – let alone Hank.” Even inside his mind, Erik seemed conflicted as to why he’d said that. He wanted Charles to sleep and recuperate, even so far as to agreeing that he shouldn’t use Cerebro again for a week- he truly did loathe the machine with all his heart. But he also wanted to support Charles and prove himself an ally within the mansion.

“Good point.” Charles replied shrewdly. “Can we go and get some tea then? That should help.”

“I’ll go and fetch some.”

“Sounds good to me. Shall I set up the chess board?”


	7. Honesty

Erik hadn’t yet been gone for a minute before the door opened and Raven slipped into Charles’ study, a delicate frown etched into her soft blue face. She hovered by the door as though ready to make an escape- thinking deeply about what it was she wanted to say. It was at times like this he remembered how great an effort he had to make to block out the thoughts of those around him- he sometimes thought it would be so much easier to not block them, though of course that would be terribly wrong of him.

“I wanted to apologise.” She finally said, softly, yellow eyes meeting his own blue. “I’m sorry if I’ve been condescending or made you feel like a child. You have every right to work at your own pace.”

“It’s only what I’ve been doing to you most of your life.” He replied, shrugging guiltily. Since Cuba, he’d come to appreciate Raven perhaps more than he ever had done before. At least, since they first met anyway. His sister was brave and smart and strong and she’d put up with a lot of crap from him to both sticking around now. “I’m sorry too, Raven. I wasn’t thinking clearly.”

“That’s okay. We should just try and talk more now, yeah?” She stepped further into the room. “Because that’s how we keep getting into these stupid situations.”

“I rather thought the problem was listening.” He replied heavily repositioning his legs under the table.

“Communication, then.” She amended, resting her hands on Erik’s chair and gazing at him pointedly. Whilst her gaze was unnaturally piercing, he was more distracted by Erik’s chair. He wasn’t entirely sure at what point in his mind it had become Erik’s- and that worried him. He was letting himself fall too hard for someone who had made no guarantees of staying in the long run. “Promise me, Charles. Because I almost lost you once, and I don’t want to go through that again. And if we’re ever in another situation like Cuba I need to know that I can trust you.”

“Oh, my brilliant sister.” He gestured to her and she approached him, stepping close to the chair so he could wrap his arms around her. “Of course.” He swore. “No matter what, it’s always been us hasn’t it? I won’t let you go quite as easily now as I might have at Cuba. We’re a team.”

“Exactly.” She smiled tentatively, stepping back from the hug. “I’ve been meaning to ask how you’ve been with being back here. Especially with all the work going on.”

“I’ve been keeping myself too busy to really think about it.” He admitted carefully. “Screw this house, anyway. It’s not where you are, it’s who you’re with.”

“And I suppose you’re quite happy at who you’re with?” Raven asked, a teasing edge to her tone he didn’t quite understand.

“Yes, of course. I couldn’t be happier with the little family we’ve got here.” He stated factually, trying not to feel embarrassed by Raven’s knowing smile. He wasn’t even sure why he felt like blushing- Raven couldn’t possibly know the thoughts in his head.

“With you and Erik playing mother and father?” She asked, her smirk turning into a devilish grin at the look on his face. “Come off it, Charles. You didn’t really think we hadn’t noticed?”

If she was expecting a reply, she didn’t get one. He stared at her blankly for a moment before she huffed, continuing.

“All those little mental conversations you have when you think you’re being so inconspicuous? All these private meetings you have? When you’re not looking at him like he’s the most beautiful jewel in the world, he’s looking at you like he wants to devour you.”

Shock washed down his neck and most of his spine. He couldn’t deny he thought Erik was the most beautiful man he’d ever seen, in body, mind and soul. If he’d let that idea slip into his features, it was his own stupid fault. The fact that Raven and the others thought they were in a relationship was one thing, but the very idea that Erik might look at him like that was… too wonderful to be true. Erik didn’t feel like that about him- he was just a moderately possessive, protective friend.

“Raven, I don’t know what pranks you’ve been coming up with- but this stops now. Erik and I aren’t… we’re friends.”

“Just friends?” She had an eyebrow arched in complete disbelief, smirking still at what he supposed she considered a pretty poor defence on his part.

“Yes! Jesus Christ, we play chess and debate human kind. What do you think we do in these ‘private meetings’? - we’re friends. And our conversations are as innocent as mine and yours together.” That wasn’t strictly true; Erik knew things about him he’d never told his sister and that made him a very dangerous man in the house- but Charles wasn’t willing to focus on that right now. He’d placed his trust in Erik and he just had to hope that was enough. “Besides, Erik isn’t that way inclined.”

“You think? Is that one of the snippets of information you got about him when you were saving him from drowning?”

He narrowed his eyes at her. He knew exactly the point she was making- he hadn’t been in Erik’s mind properly since the night they met, and when he had it certainly hadn’t been to ascertain his crushes and sexual orientation. But he was Erik! If anything, Charles would sooner believe he was asexual than attracted to men. He’d never shown any sort of attraction to anyone.

“I don’t know where you even got this idea from, Raven. Don’t you have anything better to do than to speculate about my personal relationships.”

“Actually, Angel started it.” Raven said smugly, as though she was truly onto something. It was only because he was too exhausted to start another argument that he didn’t point out Raven and Angel’s own special relationship. “You found her at a strip club, Charles, and she said you and Erik only had eyes for each other.”

He remembered that evening well. It had been one of the most enjoyable outings he’d had when recruiting the team. But that still didn’t excuse Raven and Angel’s gossiping.

“Ah- So you’re not denying it.”

He could do very little but glare at her triumphant tone.

“This is so adorable. My brother, the flirt, is lovesick over Magneto.” She paused in her laughter and suddenly frowned. “The man who put a bullet in his spine. Wow, that’s pretty fucked up Charles.”

“What’s fucked up?”

Charles physically jumped in fright, swearing loudly. He couldn’t remember the last time someone had managed to sneak up on him. His step-father probably, before he had his powers under control. Since then, he’d always had plenty of warning if someone was approaching. Damn Raven had distracted him so badly that he’d completely missed Erik’s approach and subsequent re-entry into the room.

Erik cocked his head at Charles’ dramatic reaction, frowning deeply.

“Relax, Charles.” Raven’s voice was laced with concern; she’d moved closer to him and rested a hand on his shoulder. She thought he was about to have a flashback or panic attack because she’d mentioned Cuba- she was a moment away from sending Erik out of the study.

“No-I’m fine.” He pleaded quickly, grabbing her hand and looking up to Erik. He’d placed their teas down beside the untouched chess board and kept his distance, regardless of whether or not he’d been asked to. “You just startled me, is all. I’m sorry. Tea and chess, that’s all I need.”

_Charles, you’ve gone pale._

_I’m fine, Raven. I’ll go to bed after this game. Honestly, I’m okay._ He pushed forward a feeling of calm and his mild amusement at her earlier teasing. That part was fictional, of course. Her teasing had done nothing but irritate and terrify him, but she didn’t need to know that.

“Good.” She grinned suddenly, reassured by his projection. “I’ll leave you to it then,” She began to flounce from the room, her blue form rippling in mirth. “Night mum. Night dad.” She called over her shoulder.

“What on earth was that about?” Erik asked, tentatively taking his seat. He was still concerned, Charles could hear, about his reaction upon his entry and his entire state of mind that day.

“Raven being… Raven. I’m sorry, my friend, I didn’t mean to swear at you just then.”

“That’s alright.” He narrowed his eyes curiously. “Though I’m not sure what I did to warrant such a reaction.” It was a statement, hiding a question. Erik was both desperate to know the answer and scared of it. Like Raven, he thought it was something to do with Cuba. He thought Charles had suddenly decided to be angry with him and he was doing a very poor job of convincing himself otherwise.

“You truly did startle me.” He admitted softly. “I was distracted by Raven and I didn’t sense you approaching.”

“That’s unusual. What could Raven have possibly said that was so distracting?” He must have seen the uncomfortable look on Charles’ face because he didn’t force him to answer. “And I truly started you?”

“Quite.” He muttered. “I don’t think anyone’s managed that since I was a child.”

The unspoken meaning of his words hit Erik instantly and his expression turning venomous. “What did they do to you, Charles?”

“Aside from sneak up on me?” He asked lightly, tiredly, quietly. He didn’t have the energy to get emotional or worked up over his childhood. After the small burst of adrenaline when Erik first entered the room and scared him, he now felt even more drained than before. “It really doesn’t matter now, Erik.” He sighed.

_Do you want me to go?_

_No._ He replied honestly, sounding almost pathetically clingy.

_You’re exhausted Charles. Between that bloody machine, arguing with everyone and old memories- it’s a wonder you’re still upright._

Charles didn’t reply immediately- he didn’t quite trust himself.

“What do you need, Charles?”

_I need sleep. I want to play chess and drink with you for a while._

_Are you really that desperate not to be alone?_

“Yes.”

Erik looked at his for a moment and then stood, approaching him and pushing his wheelchair out of the study. It took only a few moments to get down the corridor and into his bedroom. Charles was silent, wide-eyed, as Erik hooked an arm beneath his knees and back and lifted him onto the bed- he wished silently that he could feel it- the strength and warmth of Erik’s hold on him. He paused to pull both their shoes off and then lay on the bed beside him, propping his head up with a hand.

Erik was in his bed. Erik was lying beside him, all beautiful eyes and perfect hair and concerned face.

“There, now we can play chess.”

He wondered if that was supposed to be a euphemism, but quickly realised it was meant literally. Or, mentally, rather. Charles almost smiles, reaching a hand up to Erik’s perfect face and touching his temple softly.

They’d only placed mental chess once or twice before. Charles loved it; Erik’s mind was a brilliant beacon of light, not sharp and white but soft and yellow and inviting. It did make it harder not to cheat, which was why Erik disliked it, but he revelled in the feeling when he could. It was soothing, as Erik’s mind always was. Erik was calm and collected, everything in his mind was organised and certain. It was naturally very attractive to a telepath. He’d already lost three pawns before it started becoming harder to focus on the game and eventually, he slipped off into a peaceful sleep without worrying about Erik’s presence.

When he woke, the room was pitch black. Erik must have moved his arm to a more natural position; presuming he fell asleep still touching Erik’s temple, and a blanket covered him up to his neck. Beside him, Erik was sleeping peacefully. That surprised him – he would have expected the man to have escaped the moment he’d fallen asleep. But Erik constantly surprised him. Erik watched over him and knew more about him than anyone else. Erik had stayed by his side since the moment they met. For a brief, dazzling moment in the darkness, with Erik sleeping soundly beside him, he allowed himself to believe that perhaps Erik might love him back.

With that bright thought in his mind, he gave in to the darkness once again for a few more hours’ sleep.


	8. Serenity

When he next woke, Erik was no longer beside him. It was nearing eight o’clock and it only took a simple scan of the grounds to work out that he was out running with Alex. Raven was asleep still. Hank was eating with Angel, who was contemplating taking Raven breakfast in bed. Sean was also fast asleep, dreaming about cereal - of all things. Somehow, it didn't surprise him.

He took his time getting ready. Yesterday had been particularly draining so he felt it was justified, even if he had just had the best night’s sleep he’d had in weeks. By the time he was ready for the day, it was just past nine and he felt an appetite he’d not experienced in days. He wheeled down the corridor with what he could only describe as the equivalent of a spring in his step.

He’d only just made it to the main hall way when Erik and Alex entered the mansion again, both positively dripping with sweat from their run. They’d been out for a good while exercising, and it showed.

“Morning Prof- feel better today?”

“Rather, thank you Alex.” Charles smiled widely, his eyes flicking to Erik. He looked equally as well, exhilarated from his work out. Erik found routine and maintaining physical optimum reassuring like no-one else Charles had ever encountered. He thrived on it.

“Good to hear. Good run, Erik. I’ll see you both at breakfast.” He bound off to the stairs, leaving the hall in an almost tense silence.

“You look well, Charles.”

“I feel it, thank you, Erik. Your mind has a remarkably calming effect on me. I forget how young the others are sometimes- their minds are so hectic.”

“I understand.” Erik smiled lightly, easily. “We didn’t finish our game last night.”

“Rematch? I think I’m free all day.” He teased gently. Honestly, even if Raven wasn’t going to ban him from Cerebro until he was fully recovered, Erik certainly would. Even now beneath his projection of calm and contentment, he was still irritated at Hank for letting him into the machine.

“Sounds like a plan.” He paused, frowning. “Charles?”

“Erik?”

His frown deepened and then he shrugged lightly, as though dismissing whatever it was he’d planned to say. Instead, he leaned forwards and pressed his lips to Charles’. This was nothing like Moira’s kiss- something he’d almost completely forgotten. This wasn’t an automatic response. He froze for a moment, utterly confused as to what was happening. But Erik was radiating happiness and desire; he wanted this. Charles didn’t have the time or will power to find out why, or why now. Not with Erik’s lips on his. He responded to the kiss enthusiastically, sitting forwards to meet Erik with the passion he sought, his hands fisting his running gear.

“Raven and Angel are coming.” He gasped, dragging his face away from Erik’s. Erik reached down to his head and smoothed his hair down gently; he hadn’t even realised that hands had been messing his hair up in the first place.

“Charles,” Erik said quickly, “I’ll see you for chess.” He sent him a toothy grin then, his eyes glittering before he sauntered away almost cockily.

Raven and Angel turned the corner into the hall within a moment of Erik’s departure, Raven’s eyes narrowing instantly.

“Are you alright, Charles? You look quite flushed.”

“Fine, Raven. My circulation just isn’t what it used to be.” Which wasn’t a lie, and they all knew it. “A cold drink and breakfast is all I need.” He flashed the girls his brightest smile until their concern broke and they smiled back, nodding in agreement.

* * *

He escaped back to his study the moment he could without arousing further suspicion. The kiss replayed in his mind over and over, almost driving him mad with confusion and happiness and a strong desire for _more_. He barely managed to focus on his paperwork- his newspaper went unread all day too. The few times he felt someone approaching his study, he felt dismay to realise it wasn’t Erik. Hank came to get approval on the final layout of the east wing. Angel came to bring him a cup of tea at one o’clock, stopping for a quick chat about Cuba. Despite being accepted back into the group, the young woman still felt guilty and Charles couldn’t help but try to comfort her, despite his own distractions.

It was three o’clock when he finally felt Erik approaching, sensing a distinct feeling of calm from the other man. His journey to the study was almost agonising; Charles smoothed his hair down again and took a few calming breaths.

Erik didn’t knock, waiting outside the door. For a moment, Charles thought he might be changing his mind- turning around and walking away.

_Is now a good time, Charles?_

“Of course, my friend, come in.” He said out-loud, his heart racing as the door opened and Erik entered looking like a god or a king. He was long since dry from his shower that morning, but his hair was all loose waves and looked soft as anything. He was dressed in his usual slacks and a shirt that stubbornly hid the muscles Charles knew lay beneath. It took physical effort not to stare.

“Productive day?” Erik asked, eyebrow quirked as he took his seat at the table and began setting up his pieces. His gaze had moved to the pile of paperwork on Charles’ desk momentarily, before returning to the board.

“Not bad.” Charles replied, shrugging gently as he approached. “I don’t think I ever quite prepared myself for the reality of running a school. I thought if I taught at a university, I could just fob my paperwork off on other people.”

“You still could.” Erik pointed out, smirking slightly. He didn’t believe for a second that Charles would ever use his powers to manipulate people and Charles wasn’t about to correct him. But he knew that if he hadn’t been shot in the back and if Erik hadn’t been wearing that bloody helmet, he certainly would have manipulated Erik’s mind if it meant he saved the lives of everyone on those ships.

“Not a bad idea.” He replied anyway, smiling back cheekily.

There was a comfortable silence as they finished setting up the board; Erik taking the first move.

“About this morning, Charles,”

Charles froze, heart pounding, bracing himself for the worst. He wanted to interrupt -to say it didn’t matter- but it did, and he couldn’t get the words out.

“Did Raven and Angel say anything?”

That, he hadn’t been expecting.

“No.” He squeaked in reply. “Nothing I couldn’t talk my way out of, anyway.” He didn’t understand what Erik wanted from him and, at the same time, he didn’t dare look too deeply in his mind. Currently, all Erik was projecting was happiness.

“Good.”

“Erik?”

He looked up.

“I… that is to say, what was this morning? Was it something Raven said? Was it pity? I’m afraid I don’t understand- you’re straight. You kissed my sister!”

Erik only looked amused. “You really haven’t been in my mind, have you? I specifically told you that you could.” That was true, but Charles had only wanted it as a comforting presence- not a playground. “Yes, I did kiss your sister because she was feeling particularly low in self-confidence. But you should also know I protected her modesty and sent her away.”

He already knew that. He’d seen the embarrassment on Raven instantly, even if he’d never mentioned it to her.

“Don’t you dare think for one second that this morning was pity or a joke, Charles. I kissed you because I fucking wanted to. Because your lips have no right being that fucking pink and you have no right look so innocent when all I want to do is-.” He cut himself off, but Charles could see in his mind exactly the kind of thing Erik wanted to do to him. He took a deep breath, suddenly feeling very hot.

There was something more though, beyond lust. Beyond friendship. The study was bright in the afternoon sun, light streaming in through the open window and highlighting the dust falling in the air. Erik was kneeling on the floor in front of him with eyes like molten steel and an expression of deepest sincerity, a calloused hand holding Charles’ tightly.

“I love you too.” Charles whispered, feeling rather like crying. Only he wasn’t given the chance, because no sooner had he got the words out than Erik had kissed him again, with a desperate force that had him pinned to the back of his chair.

“That’s got to be murder on your knees.” Charles murmured against his cheek, finally pulling away for air.

“Hm.” Erik replied lazily. “Think you can make sure the coast is clear?”

Without waiting for a reply, he picked Charles up by the thighs and began kissing him again, the study door moving open of its own accord. With Erik’s mouth on his jaw and neck, concentrating on anything was a difficult feat, and he was sure it was half luck that they made it to his bedroom uninterrupted- at which point he was in too much pleasure to focus on anything at all. Erik set him down on the bed, climbing on beside him and wasting no time in kissing him again. Charles ran his hands through the soft waves of Erik’s hair and thought there was no greater joy in life. He projected as much to Erik and felt the older man smirk against his chest as he unbuttoned his shirt.

“Oh Liebling, you’re in for a few surprises.”


End file.
